3 things I learned from my 3 year relationship with Sonny

Sonny and I turned 3 last Dec 8 and like all our past celebrations, given the pandemic, we weren’t able to prepare anything grand for this year. As a couple, we really like doing staycations since he lives in Bulacan and I live in Manila.

For this year, we just celebrated our way through a nice lunch and dinner and a good massage.

Our relationship was actually easy and chill — we never had a major fight and we don’t have existing issues that will haunt us. We did have fights but I can’t say that it affected the relationship. Even the major ones that we tried to prepare with, like me meeting his Chinese family, never became an issue. Which is surprising! Because during the early months of our relationship, we spent a good couple of nights planning on what to do if ever they didn’t approve. We considered secret marriage, to be honest HAHAHAHA

Anyway, to date, here’s just some (because I have a lot!!) of the things I learned in our 3 year old relationship.

  1. I passed through the “pushing him away” stage — the right one will stay with you even when the time gets rough. Sonny met me at one of my darkest times — my aunt died of cancer, one of my favorite tito who raised me got cancer, and died, my dad got really sick and was in and out of the hospital, I resigned and transferred to 3 different companies (!!!), my dad died, etc etc. That time, I was so insecure and all over the place that I felt like I don’t deserve anything. Plus the fact that I’ve been single and independent for years before I met him, I don’t know how to be in a relationship anymore. I felt like I have nothing to give. I pushed him away, many many times. But he stayed anyway, every single time.
  2. There are still the good ones. I’ve been single for three years before I met Sonny. In those three years, I went out on dates, friends introduced me to their friends, people messaged me on Facebook, bla bla bla. But all of them weren’t good for anything more. At one point, it felt like all of them just wanted sex and good time. Lahat ng aya sakin, inuman! I SWEAR. But well, there’s this guy who asked me to go to church and I thought it was sweet. HAHA. But still, 90% of them just wanted to have a good time and wasn’t ready for a relationship. I kind of questioned myself if I am not worthy for a serious relationship. Because it felt like it. I wanted someone to go to lunch with, talk about things after a long day, someone I can introduce to my friends, etc. But it was a hopeless case for me. Until I met Sonny. He is the complete opposite – gentleman, kind, respectful, sweet. Did you know that we’ve known each other for yearsss (2011!!!!!) but only talked in 2017? And it was on Instagram! HAHAHA. We talked through Instagram and he asked me to dinner. HE DIDN’T EVEN ASK FOR MY MOBILE NUMBER kasi daw gusto niya sa personal niya hihingin HAHAHAHA then we went on a date – he opened the car door for me, brought me to a nice dinner, brought me flowers, posted our picture on his social media account. All those stuff that you would want someone to do for you. Then he started crossing out items on my bucket list (I recently found out that he took a stolen picture of me during our first date – I looked horrible btw but still sweet HAHA). And for the first time in a long while, I felt special. There are still the good ones – the one who will open the door for you, who will bring you flowers, who will ask how your day went, who will plan what your next date will be like, one who will cross out items on your bucket list. There are still the good ones, and you deserve one.
  3. He will not be perfect, you will not be perfect; your relationship will have bumps along the way, but breaking up shouldn’t be an option. I am not a fan of taking a break or asking for space or cool off. It doesn’t make sense to me. I also don’t believe in “walang matutulog hanggat di maayos ang problema”. Well, we all have different take on this one. But with my relationship with Sonny, I learned the value of respect – respect for what he feels, respect his reaction, respect if he doesn’t want to talk about it yet. But to always make sure that when he is ready, I am there. When I am still in the pushing-him-away stage, I always tell him that he deserves better bla bla bla and all that kaartehan. But along the way, I learned that pushing people away and taking a break shouldn’t be an option. Pano niyo pa aasyusin ang problema kung maghihiwalay kayo? It really doesn’t make sense to me. Sonny is really patient with me, and I am learning to be patient with him, too. And that works for us. Seriously, we never talk about breaking up anymore.

We already reached that point wherein we are so comfortable with each other – we don’t plan big dates anymore, we don’t filter our kwentuhans, we talk about family problems and our insecurities without fear of not being accepted. Oftentimes, we prefer staying in watching cable TV and clean the house and wash the dishes together instead of going out; we are now comfortable to point out each others’ flaws not to make each other insecure but to help each other improve and develop. And given the pandemic and him living in Bulacan and me in Manila, I don’t oblige him to drive from Bulacan to Manila just because lalaki siya at ako dapat ang pinupuntahan. I drive from Manila to Bulacan just because I can and I want to. And we know how to say no comfortably without fear of the other person being offended. We have matured. And we are done with the pabebe stage. What we have now is something serious and real life and practical. And I like it. I like being with someone I can be myself with; I like being with someone I can live the real life with. It’s nice.

There are still the good ones and I am glad I found mine.